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We Had a impromptu meeting yesterday for Friday “show and tell” (I will post it to facebook group as soon as I get the banwith) I’ll put the zoom on YouTube.
The meeting was Doug B and Jasswinder and my self (I hope I’m spelling Jasswinder correctly... probably not... sorry 😐) at any rate it was fascinating to learn about what Jasswinder’s experience of being alive in wolverton England 🏴 was like.
So this discussion is for you to share
What is your experience of being alive?
I was listening to some talks by a man called Prem Rawat yesterday a few hours before Joshua and I talked and he gave this question. I was really fascinated by it. How intimate am I with my experience of being alive I wondered, rather than just following the story in my head about it which is not really experiencing (perhaps awareness of the narrative that goes on up there is a part of my experience). I am also not sure how one answers this question, it feels like there could be so many different ways to answer and I thought it would be so interesting to hear others answers and see where it takes us.
There's a great quote some one close to me shared recently on life. He called it... that awkward moment between birth and death.
My experience of being alive today has been awkward. Feeling pretty good with the world - present, enjoying the sun when out for a walk, listening the water in the stream etc and yet also a feeling of being behind or late in some kind of diffuse way creeps in. I really dont need to be anywhere or be doing anything else but there is a subtle feeling that I do. Anyone else experience that?
I think I feel something like that when I feel not quite connected, which is most of the time. There is something telling me I'm not quite in the right place, or that I'm doing something wrong. It is a slight feeling of discomfort. From another viewpoint I want to be able to accept that all feelings, even those of discomfort, are valid. Perhaps I prefer those where I feel more comfortable, more familiar, but if I begin to judge some are ok some are not, I can spend my time assessing which are good, and which are not. Learning to accept everything just as it is, is not easy, but helps me to relax with the way things are, rather than always wanting them to be some other way.
Thats it @annah not quite in the right place or doing the right thing in that moment. And another common experience of being alive for me that you mentioned - judging whats going on
Doug is going to be exploring this with me, this feeling, becoming clearer for me, as not being worthy, or worthwhile. Having to be doing something constantly to justify my existence. It came up in our last session with Harry and Tammy, and they were very helpful looking at how I think about work, and having to earn relaxation time, rather than being able to think about what do I need without all those strings attached.
I felt a lot of myself in listening to you in that discussion, it would be great to hear more as you and Doug explore this @annah Heiner and I talked today and something similar came up there too, something he had observed in listening to me talking.
That's interesting, because I wouldn't think you can serve it from the outside, it's such a hidden feeling, often not quite aware of it myself.
It also seems to be based on some way I coped in the past. So for me it probably had to do with being sent to boarding school during the war as a way to evacuate us children from London. I don't really remember what I felt about it, but I guess that I shut down, and didn't let myself feel anything. And I also guess that that was partly to do with protecting myself from feeling rejected, and also protecting my mother from my anger at being sent away. So now maybe I'm more in touch with the feeling rejected part, but sort of disconnected from where it came from.